Click to View Larger...Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) - Two gorgeous women -- Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) -- operate a airplane cargo delivery service in Hawaii.
Their latest shipment includes a very large, very nasty snake destined for the local zoo. But the delivery is interrupted when they stumble on a cache of diamonds that were to go to a ruthless drug dealer, Seth (Rodrigo Obregon).
Seth sends a transvestite to kidnap the owner of a restaurant, Edy (Cynthia Brimhall), so his men can torture her with a female bodybuilder into revealing where Donna and Taryn are.
Luckily for all the good guys, Special Agent Rowdy Abilene (Ronn Moss) has a bazooka, and he knows how to use it. And unluckily for Seth, that nasty snake has broken out of its box. (Rotten Tomatoes)
Click to View Larger...Cleopatra Jones (1973) - Cleopatra "Cleo" Jones (Tamara Dobson) is a strikingly beautiful black model with an array of flamboyant outfits. Modeling, however, is only a cover for her real job as a secret government agent. Cleo is a Bond-like heroine with power and influence; an object of awe for her flashy wardrobe, her ’73 silver and black Corvette Stingray (equipped with automatic weapons) and her martial arts ability. While she evokes the glory of a funk goddess, she remains loyal to her drug-ravaged community and her lover, Reuben Masters, who runs B&S House (a halfway home for recovering drug addicts).
The film opens with Cleo overseeing the destruction of a poppy field in Turkey belonging to the evil drug lord, Mommy (Shelley Winters). Mommy is a white lesbian with an all-male crew and a bevy of beautiful young women catering to her many wants. She is short, stout, and wears unfashionable clothes, fulfilling the role of "anti-Cleopatra" in every respect. When she hears about her poppies' demise, she plots revenge, hiring the corrupt policeman, Officer Purdy to raid the B&S House.
Click to View Larger...Weed AKA The Florida Connection (1974) -Dan Gordon arrives in a town on the edge of the Florida Everglades, planning to take part in a drug-smuggling operation. He's aided by his friend, Mule Tucker, but runs into opposition from corrupt local cops. Somehow he also finds time to romance Britt Claiborne, a beautiful charter pilot.
Well, at least that's what IMDB says. I see a whole lotta shit going on in this poster that's not EVEN included in the plot description.
Check this out, you've got two guys in airboats playing chicken in the Everglades, while Gloria Steinem watches from the sidelines, while preparing to turn the switch on what may be the biggest Fleshlight I've ever had the honor of beholding.
Then there's Meatloaf fighting for the last Subway sandwich with a guy, who I'm willing to bet is Otis Sistrunk, while Bruce Jenner makes fucky-fucky with what appears to be a mannequin!
I don't even want to know what the guy was thinking when he decided to blow up the fucking rowboat!
Jesus Christ! I have to see this fucking movie! And I'm going to be severely dissapointed if the plot isn't exactly as I've described it!
Note to self, cut down on the visits to the medical marijuana pharmacy. God damn I'm hungry! Shit! Who want's to make a Subway run?
Click to View Larger...Deathstalker (1983) -- The warrior Deathstalker is sent by a witch on a quest to find a chalice, an amulet, and a sword, two of which are held by the wicked sorcerer Munkar (Bernard Erhard). Deathstalker finds the sword almost immediately, which has been hidden by the witch in a cave. Sword in hand, Deathstalker sets out to Munkar's castle.
On his journey, Deathstalker learns of a tournament from Oghris (Richard Brooker), a charming warrior in midriff-baring armor. Munkar has invited warriors to participate in contests until a winner is determined, thereby inheriting Munkar's kingdom. Along the way to the tournament, the pair meet Kaira, a female warrior (Lana Clarkson) who wears only a G-string and a cloak, who joins them on their journey.
Arriving at Munkar's castle, Deathstalker and the other tournament participants are invited to get drunk and rape Munkar's harem slaves, including Princess Codille (Barbi Benton). Deathstalker rescues Princess Codille, briefly, but Munkar takes her back.
The tournament continues for several days, while Deathstalker searches for the other two artifacts at night. Eventually, nearly all of the other contestants have killed each other, and Deathstalker faces Munkar and defeats him.