DVD Review: Logan's Run (1976) PDF Print E-mail
Written by Mystery Date   
Thursday, 11 August 2011 02:00

logan-s-run-original logan-s-run-original(We have a new reviewer this week, and he's done such an amazing job, I think he'll be doing all the reviews in the future. Then I can go back to early retirement. Catch up on episodes of Route 66 on RetroTV... Please welcome "Mystery Date" to Big Bad Drive-In!)

When I was in the third grade I had a Logan’s Run button that occupied roughly half of my torso when I wore it. It was just a picture of Farrah’s head in all its blonde-locked 70’s glory, and reports vary on whether I ever tried to make out with the button.

We start with some expository text telling us that what is left of humanity now lives in a domed city solely for pleasure, freed by the servo-mechanisms which provide everything. I don’t know what servo-mechanisms are, but I pray to God they’re monkey butlers. The catch is that you’re killed and eaten by the monkey butlers when you turn 30. Or something about Carousel, what am I, the narrator?

 

 

only a model only a modelIt’s only a model.

 

We meet our hero Logan in a nursery greeting a new Sandman, who police the domed city, and are apparently the only group that doesn’t dress in Christmas colors. Logan and his friend Francis then attend the aforementioned Carousel, where the thirty year olds of the city go to be reincarnated. The Carousel scene is actually striking in a 70’s way. The doomed elderly show up in costume around a slowly spinning disk and float up into the air before catching alight like a 4th of July sparkler.

here for gangbang here for gangbang
We’re here for the gangbang…

 

I will tell you—people must be starved for entertainment in this city because they go batshit for these spinning sparkly people.

 

sparkly people sparkly people

 

Logan and Francis are alerted to a runner (people who don’t believe they’ll be reincarnated at Carousel and try to escape the city) and chase and kill him.

 

clearly clearlyClearly it was wise to give this man a gun.

 

On the body Logan finds an Ankh and hangs on to it. We then cut to Logan at home, dressed in these sort of sun-god robes that were clearly plucked from every woman’s Michael York fantasy.

logan robe logan robe

 

They apparently don’t have Craigslist Personals in the 2300’s, so poor Logan has to change the channels on a TV until he finds a partner for the evening. Tonight is Jessica, looking dazzling in a green…something. She’s also wearing an Ankh, which Logan has by now identified with the runners. She shoots down his offer to sleep with him (this woman just has astonishing self-control, I mean, look at the picture above) and disappears when Francis brings some floozies.

Logan asks the computer that controls the city about the Ankh symbol and is troubled to learn of a huge number of runners that got away. When he asks the computer about how many people have renewed it is evasive, and it then ages Logan five years to more easily infiltrate the runners. He then manages to convince Jessica to help him run, and they escape the city. Here it all becomes quite episodic and my interest started to wander.

 

congresswoman congresswoman
Why, hello, Congresswoman

 

wedding outfits wedding outfits
We were married in these exact outfits.

 

white girl butt white girl butt
Okay did white girls in the 70’s just not have butts, or am I just used to
the fine Latina hindquarters I see bouncing around my house?
(Much Older Ed.: This is a British chick, the American girls Had amazing butts.
My first wife had a butt like two fine country hams...)

 

saturday saturday
Is it Saturday again?

 

something for ladies something for ladies
Little somethin’ for the ladies

 

take the girl take the girl
Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone! Here, I’ll push her down!

 

chicks chicks
I wish all these chicks would just back up off me!

 

There is a happy ending after the adventures, and obviously I don’t want to provide any spoilers for a movie that’s 35 years old; what if people haven’t seen it? Ultimately it’s kind of charming in a very dated way, and I do like the cheap special effects and plot holes.

 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 23 August 2011 21:57
 

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